again

So like I have blogged before... the damn D word is coming much more quickly then i care for it to.... I know i know I signed up for this... your right I did I knew when I married a marine that he would be sent away at times to a foreign land to fight... but it still sucks!!!!!!! We JUST did this.. i feel like we are just now finally getting back into our life rountine together, although i still have a hard time sleeping on duty nights becuase I have gotten used to him being home again... I have heard so many times... It gets easier, the more deployments you go through the easier they get.... I am here to say... its not the case for me.... :( I never got used to my lover pants not being with me while he was in Afganistan last year.... or TRASHCANISTAN as we like to call it... did the routine get easier yes.. we got into a routine being me and the kidos... but the part of not seeing my loverpants and not getting to talk to him often... DIDNT get easier... SO now I am faced with the whole situation again.. and the PANIC is finally starting to set in.... While lover pants was away the first time, i stuck my head in the sand and tryed to stray away from the thoughts of the "bad possiblilities of him being in war" but now as we are preparing for the "D"word... I am petrified... Everytime the "d" thought enters my mind, so does the widows from here that i met through the blogs .... and i am so scared to lose the love of my life... Its a military wives worst fear, yet somehow these brave women have had to go through it.... I feel so selfish when i think about being scared for my love.... there are so many of us here that are going through the"d" word or are fixing to or have done it before .... its so soo hard for me to wrap my head around... again... i hate this fearful emotional rollercoaster that accompanies the"D" word..... Damn you D word~!! I HATE you...